the brat within[a blog by mev]
every once in a while, I will access my formidable stock of ego, and set loose its devastating peasantry on an unwitting party
Having grown up in a strangely buckled family, there are times, usually when I'm not at my best internally, when I visit that broken face of pain on those around me.
I'll rant and bluster and crack my whip until someone feels uncomfortable, and only beyond that point will I even begin to consider returning to a state that's remotely within pissing distance of reasonable.
One such event occurred not long ago, at my work.
I had just installed a new piece of equipment, one that stood to improve the venue's sound quality a hundred-fold. I was quite nervous, as nobody at the club had ever really heard the sound clearly, and the room had been going for six years.
During that time it had been through a couple of PA system overhauls, each an improvement over the last. However my implementation was a whole new approach, with the inclusion of delays for the satellite speakers - an essential feature if you're serious about sound quality.
It came to the big night; the first show produced under the new system parameters. I'd spent some time and care setting it up, and was super excited about it, but I approached the moment of truth with much trepidation. Anything could go wrong!
It so happened that I needed to leave the venue between sound check and show, to go home to eat - I presently have special dietary requirements. Big mistake!
Halfway through dinner I received a very excited text from my boss, where he described the sound of the MCs microphone as the worst possible sound achievable, and was really quite scathing. It is clear to me now, though it wasn't then, that he had serious misgivings about the new setup - but only this part of the implementation - not the new setup as a whole.
I instantly flew into a defensive rage. I was outraged and indignant that he should "piss on my parade" in such a heartless and insensitive manner. I couldn't see it from his point of view at all, such was my overblown self righteousness.
Upon my return to the club this interaction developed into a screaming match, and escalated until I was taking delight in his anger and worry, and antagonising him beyond what anyone would call reasonable.
At one point I threatened to walk out - an immature and grasping move on my part.
I assured him I would be rolling back the changes the next day - "putting the fucking system back into the dark ages so you can get off on the sound of your own fucking voice" was the phrase I used. Oh, the hubris!
Well luckily for me we got through the night and I calmed down enough to see the situation from his side. Some days later we had sorted everything out, and all was good again. God was on his camel and all was right with the stars.
I would like to be a little less defensive though.